Carrie and thoughts on babies

This week flew by. Anxious for memorial weekend to see Matthew again. Went out last night after work with my friend Carrie. I’ve done her hair for abut 10 yrs. She moved to Louisville a few years ago, but once a year has come back to get highlights, then we go out afterwards. I feel like we’re just starting to really know each other. She’s a real gem. She and I are opposite in so many ways, but I think we believe a lot of the same things. She’s 33, has 4 kids, 2 boys and twin girls. She loves her kids more than life. She’s a tomboy. Was a big volleyball star in college. Has a southern accent and drinks beer like water. She dances like Jed Clampet and is hilarious. John really likes her too. She’s more like the people he’s always enjoyed hanging out with. She’s very genuine and has the biggest heart. We just went to Champps for dinner, and since there was a threat of rain, we weren’t sure if the band would play out on the patio, so we came back to our house and hung out looking at the fish in in our waterfall and talking for hours. She says the same thing that MaryAnn has always said about coming to terms with having children or not. I still think about adopting, and yet have hang ups about it. I think about it every day. Mathew has definitely lit a spark for me that makes me want my own, yet I’m so in love with him, I can’t fathom loving another child as much. I’ve been too scared to actually pursue adoption because I over think it all the time, but I can’t let it go either. I wish I could just have a few guarantees in life. I know better, I’ve just never been a risk taker and I almost choke every time I start thinking through what is involved with having a child. I just think, maybe I should close my eyes and jump in and roll with whatever happens. I’m not there yet.