enjoying friendships

I could see the benefits of polygamy if I wasn’t so territorial with my husband. After a fun night with friends last night, playing games, eating and laughing, I was a complete slug today. Hope spent the night and today we grazed, watched the movie Hancock (which surprisingly made a little teary eyed), and played 3 games of scrabble. It was nice to have another person to interact with through the day. John and I don’t always enjoy doing the same things together and someone usually has to sacrifice a little just to make sure that we’re staying connected. It was nice to have a lazy day with John by my side, but having another person to talk to and play with. I could easily go off and do something else with a girl friend, but then I think John will be lonely. I think I would be if the tables were turned. It’s just comforting to do a whole lot of nothing with everyone all together. Maybe that’s why some people like to have lots of children. There’s always someone around. I really cherish my alone time as well, but when I’m old, I may have to have a few room mates if John leaves this earth before I do.

fun night and lazy day

Sat 1/18
10 am.

I’m procrastinating. It’s cold outside and I want to stay comfy cozy in my jammies all day. The Gym is calling me. The minor workout routine that I’ve been mimicking from physical therapy is not even difficult. My shoulder sometimes aches for a couple of days after I do it, even after icing it, so I’m avoiding that perhaps. I’ve been in pain far too long and it’s really ridiculous that I’ve let my self get this weak. I could be injured so easily. I slid, while walking into the salon the other day and as I put my arms out for balance, I torqued my shoulder just enough to create more pain. John keeps pestering me to go to the Dr. I think more because he’s tired of hearing me say ouch, than compassion for me. I know what I need to do, I just need to consistently do it. I have about 6 or 7 weeks till Florida, so that is my goal, to be pain free down there. If it’s no better by then, I promised John I’ll see my doc.

Sun 1/19
5pm

Well, I was proud to get through my routine yesterday. I didn’t get much else accomplished, besides grocery store and laundry. I was planning on going to the gym today to my lower body routine-- have to strengthen around my knees too. I felt a little headachy, so I thought that would be enough to get me out of going out last night. John’s boss was celebrating her birthday at a pub in Noblesville. I really didn’t want to go to a smoky bar and knew I’d be worthless today if we went. He seemed to really want to do this, and he rarely asks for anything in particular. I’m usually the planner. The girls he works with are funny so we had a good time. I just have a hard time not having any alcohol if I’m in a bar. I drank a lot of water in between and had good vodka so I wouldn’t be hung-over. I thought for sure I did every thing I should have so that I could be productive today, but as of 5pm I’ve caught up on all the shows I DVRed last week, played a little Face Book Scrabble and am now doing this. I made John promise that we would start cleaning the basement today, but he just woke up from a nap. I had to take a little xanax in the middle of the night to go back to sleep. It's like clockwork when I drink. No matter what I do, inevitably I wake up 4 hours later. You'd think I wouldn't drink at all, when I know I'll feel crummy the next day. I'm not really hung over, just really lethargic. I just get in the mood when I'm with a group that's doing it. I get so bored and anxious to go home, but when I'm drinking it brings out the fun side of my personality. I think that's why John made my drink so strong before we left the house. It reminds him of when we used to have so much fun, early on when we were dating. He's never said that, but whenever I don't feel like doing something, he starts pouring me a drink--he knows it'll pep me up. I also can't tolerate the noise and the smoke and the other drunks unless I'm one of them. I think that's why I want my house nicer, so I feel inspired to have people here. Then I don't have the same need to drink and ultimately feel healthier.
The band last night played a lot of cover music that everyone knew and passed around the microphone. They let me shake the tambourine and get up on stage with them (Which I would have NEVER done sober). I had a lot of fun and John’s co workers seemed to get a kick out of our shenanigans. My dancing last night was enough of a work out for me. I feel like such an old lady. My body aches. I guess there’s no hurry to clean the basement or put away clothes or all the other things I need to get done. There are always chores. I really wanted things in order for company next week. Thankfully the company I’m having is comfy enough, that I don’t have to have everything perfect. I’m so anxious to rebuild the shelves in my Family room. It’ll look so much nicer in here, plus I’ll have more storage. John thinks he’ll start in a few weeks. I want to paint a different color (altho have to paint right handed, till my shoulder heals--so maybe I’ve been putting things off) and ultimately get wood floors throughout (John keeps telling me our floors are fine). I want wood floors so much I can taste it. I just LOVE the look and feel like the house would just feel cleaner. There are a few more things that are on the list first I guess, so don’t know how soon that will happen. Have to keep exercising, so I can keep working, so I can have wood floors.
Next weekend, my high school friends Hope Pechin (Now Lukens) and Lee Stichter (Buck) will be coming over for dinner and games. I lost touch with Lee after high school and reconnected through Face Book. He lives here on the West side of Indy. Hope lives in Bloomington, and we have randomly kept in touch through the years. Thankfully because of email, I’ve stayed in touch with people through the years. As much as I thought something like Face Book was so goofy a few year ago, I actually feel I’ve gotten closer to people because of it. Maybe seeing a photo attached, keeps people on my mind more. I guess when people add pics or update their status and I can comment, I feel more connected.
Off to the shower now. John turned on football and I have a few more hours in my day to get something accomplished.

True Beauty

I stayed up WAY too late last night catching up on shows I missed on ABC.com. There was a reality show that I had forgotten about, that I wanted to see, called “True Beauty”. The premise is that these 10 people are competing against each other for $100,000 and a spot in People magazine, as the most beautiful person in America. The twist is that they don’t realize that they are also being judged for internal beauty. I’m curious how this will play out, because what I saw from each of them, was repulsive. I sort of wonder if they are encouraged to play up the cockiness, because I can’t imagine anyone actually saying the words that came out of their mouths and be serious. A couple of them expressed insecurities growing up and I suppose that when we feel bad about ourselves, it’s somewhat healthy to give ourselves positive messages, to lift our selves back up. This subject has been a struggle for me for years being that I’m in the business of creating beauty. I love that I can do things to make people feel better about them selves. I think a great hair style and color can give us a boost. I think great clothes and shoes do that for people as well. I had to come to terms with this a few years ago, when I was feeling like my profession was so worthless. It’s not “life changing”. I realized though, that it can be. If someone gets an emotional boost from a physical change, then they are hopefully more productive and can change the world. What bothers me about my business , is the superficiality of it. I hate that we even worry about our appearance. I hate that how our clothes and hair and skin looks even matters. No matter how much I hate it, it will never change. People are judged for their appearance first and foremost. Rarely will someone be given a chance to express their beautiful character, if there is something unappealing on the outside. My husband tells me that he thinks thin salesmen make more money than heavy ones. Is it because people see the heavy ones as sloppy, or lazy? Or is it that when the salesmen themselves
think they look good, they can reach out more easily and make things happen? Maybe a bit of both.
Before I met my husband, I dated a lot of really great guys, but I couldn’t find my self physically attracted to them. They met a lot of emotional needs, and so often I wished I was blind, so I could not have their appearance to me even be a factor. Although, that brings me to the next issue …what we consider beautiful in other people is not the same for everyone. When I met John, I thought he was one of the hottest guys I had ever seen. His childhood gal pal thought
that was so strange. I guess she viewed him differently. What I saw 1st that I was so drawn to was his strong Dudley Do Right jaw line. According to programs that I’ve watched about the science behind what we’re attracted to, that’s a very common allure because it symbolizes
masculinity and virility and because our nature is to procreate, we look for attributes that can promote that. John on the other hand was insecure about his jaw line because he dated a girl that told him he could get it surgically altered. I guess in her mind it was too big.
When I was newly divorced and out on the prowl, I felt jealous that my blonde girlfriends were getting more attention than I was. I felt I was prettier or at least as pretty as they, but they were getting a lot more drinks bought for them. I went blonde and felt like I was getting noticed all of the sudden. It could be that I was projecting my self differently because of my impression of how I looked. I went out with a guy, who saw a picture of me as a brunette and told me he liked that better. I kept the blonde hair any way and after John and I were married a while, I went back to the chestnut locks. John has never criticized my appearance, but after I dragged it out of him, he admitted years later that he wasn’t fond of the brown. After some time of analyzing this, I’ve decided that gray hair is God’s gift to soften our appearance. As we get age spots and wrinkles, dark hair casts shadows and emphasizes these flaws. This is assuming that God would concern God's self with such things. I guess it's part of the human condition to have a need to adorn our selves in some way. I'll stay blonde for the time being.
I may continue to struggle with the importance of beauty. In the past both my parents and some of my friends have said hurtful things (unintentionally I'm sure) to make me realize how important appearance is. I can choose to ignore it or not worry about it and develop my internal character, but I don’t know that society will ever change. We value this. I’ve heard it said that most people are worrying more about themselves than what you look like but I’ve heard the catty remarks from people I wouldn’t expect to hear them from. I’ve done it too. I guess we think if we criticize someone’s appearance it elevates us, but it really is an ugly trait. I hate that this is of value, and yet, I hate that I’m aging and everything is breaking down and so I try to hide that with blonde hair and makeup. The people I prefer to be around are the ones that don’t seem to be hiding anything they just ARE and they are beautiful. I prefer to be around funny and smart people, so why do I feel so compelled to enhance my physical appearance?

I’ll end this with one of my favorite poems…

For attractive lips, Speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, Seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, Share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, Let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, Walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a Woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows.And the beauty of a woman, with passing years only grows!

2008-2009

2008 was the year of the Rat in the Chinese culture.
http://www.c-c-c.org/chineseculture/zodiac/zodiac.html
We had 2 mice--that we caught-- visit us at the end of the year . One was actually the 1st mouse I ever saw in this house (altho they did leave evidence of their existence in the past, I never saw their face.) John keeps reminding me that a mouse is the not the same as a rat, but in my mind they might as well be the same. They had actually chewed apart a box of ant traps, under the sink, assuming there was something tastier in there. I cleaned like a mad woman, and bought steel wool to block potential entrances. I haven't seen any more evidence for the past week, but am still a bit freaked out by their invasion.

According to Wikepedia…
The Rat (鼠) was welcomed in ancient times as a protector and bringer of material prosperity. It is an animal associated with aggression, wealth, charm, and order, yet also associated with death, war, the occult, pestilence, and atrocities. In the Chinese Zodiac, the Year of the Rat is associated with the earthly branch symbol 子. In some parts of the world, a year associated with this animal 鼠 is referred to as Year of the Mouse because the word may be translated to "rat", "mouse", or more broadly, "rodent".

I’m going to hold on to the 1st part of the above description as a reason for our little visitor.
I ate Chinese food the day after Christmas and learned to play MahJong on New Year’s day. I wonder what the year of the OX will bring for me….

Disclaimer for mom...I would prefer not to have a discourse. I already know what you're going to say.

Notable Quotes

“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.”
--George Washington

Someone sent me a list of famous quotes. This is the one that jumped out at me. I’m grateful for those in my life that are tried and true. I’ve made an effort to be the kind of friend that can be trusted. I try to be what I need from others, which leads me to the next quote that meant something to me…

“We must become the change we want to see in the world.”
--Mahatma Gandhi

SIN

My feet and back hurt. I worked my typical 10 hour day, but after having a week off work, it’s difficult to get back in the swing of things. I also have new orthodics that were probably worn a bit longer than I should have, since I’m supposed to ease into them. It’s difficult for me to ease into anything. I tend to be all or nothing. I’m grateful to have a job and so many loyal clients. Some times I wish I could be independently wealthy. I just feel so tired and achy so often. I know the answer is get back to the gym. I’m just letting my all or nothing attitude overwhelm me right now. Just as I’m feeling like I don’t want to work any more, I’m watching about SLOTH--one of the 7 deadly sins on the History channel. John asked me which of the 7 did I believe to me my worst. I told him that I don’t think of sin the same way the average person does. The History channel is actually showing how the brain is affected through MRI’s when faced with particular “sins”. very interesting.

one web site had this...
The Seven Deadly Sins are those transgressions which are fatal to spiritual progress. You probably commit some of them every day without thinking about the rich tradition of eternal damnation in which you're participating.
ENVYSLOTHGLUTTONYWRATHPRIDELUSTGREED

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2009-1-1 HAPPY NEW YEAR and Happy 9th anniversary John.
Spent the night with the Kolendas. Mary Ann served limoncello, shrimp cocktail and cheese with crackers. We swapped gifts. She knows me so well, everything was so fun.
MaryAnn rented a limo for 6 of us to share. Steve and Yvette Woosley joined. Limo was $500+ tip that we split. The driver, Adrian McVey was a WWII vet. He said he was in the Navy right when the war ended and that his older brother survived the sinking of the U.S.S. Indianapolis. John had learned a lot about that from the History channel so it was interesting to talk to someone that had more 1st hand knowledge. It would have been even more interesting if we were sober maybe--maybe not. He was a bit slow talking and long winded, but funny and charming. I kept calling him Clarence, because he reminded me of the guardian angel from “It’s a wonderful life”.

The limo was a bit tight for the six of us and the smell of smoke on Steve and Yvette’s perfume, I thought I was going to cough up a lung. Once I started imbibing , the smells were more tolerable. We drove around a little before dinner and Adrian humored us by stopping a couple of times and asking people on the street, “pardon me, but you would you happen to have a little grey poupon?“ mimicking the old commercial.

We ate dinner at Toscana which is a new restaurant attached to the Holiday in. It wasn’t Mary Ann’s 1st choice, because she forgot to call earlier for reservations, but it was good. I’ve had better, but I was satisfied. I just find my self more and more disappointed with restaurant food. If I’m going to spend the cash, I feel like it needs to WOW me. If I can make the same thing at home, it seems pointless to go out. It’s nice to have someone else clean up though. It was pretty reasonably priced, since we were drinking our own alcohol in the limo.

Adrian asked how long we’d be there, so I asked, “why, do you have another fare to pick up?” He responded with, “OHHH..” and shoved me a little. I just love old people that are with it. They’re so funny. We decided he had to be about 81 yrs old.

Next we headed to a bar called the Vault in Lafayette, just off of campus. We started a bit early so it seemed dead in there. We started playing pool though, and so I didn’t notice if it got more crowded. I enjoyed that--I haven’t played pool for so long. My shoulder and arm bothers me so much I could barely hold the stick well enough, but actually made some shots. Wouldn’t have been able to at all because of the pain had it not been for the Vodka--thank GOD! When I went to the bathroom, I walked passed Adrian trying to pick up some woman--funny.

Once it was close to midnight, we drove to the house that MaryAnn’s mom was playing bridge. We rang in the New Year, with all her cronies. John told me that he shook the champagne bottle so that he could get the cork to go flying across the room, but apparently the champagne went flying all over the room. I don’t know how I missed all that…must have been in the bathroom. There was still champagne to be shared and I just sipped at that point. Was trying to not have a hangover. The next day. One lady was passing out rum balls from Austria, so I mentioned that my dad was in Germany. She was so excited when I mentioned Bamberg and told me how beautiful it is there, she then insisted that I take all the rum balls. I guess when we feel some sort of a connection with someone, in any way, it draws us closer.

All in all it was a great night. We spent a little under $250. I’ve gone out a spent a lot more on New Year’s eve. I had pretty much decided that I’ve done the big things already. We used to go to the bars all the time, so that didn‘t seem appealing originally. I much prefer to just stay in and have a house party. Since it had been so long since we had done anything like all that we did last night, it was much more fun than I had expected. I’m pretty much happy to do whatever , as long as I have the people I love with me. I’m sure it was much nicer for Mary Ann to not go to so much trouble. She just always throws the best parties.

When we arrived back at the Kolenda’s we broke out John’s Frittata. He wanted us to save it for the morning, but I think it helped prevent the hangover. He made plenty, so we had more 1st thing in the a.m.
It was rich and fattening and DELISH!!! Sausage, bacon, cheese, cream, eggs, mushrooms, spinach. Mary Ann has a theory that the longest lasting marriages are when the husband cooks. I’m pretty happy mine does.

I stayed in Jammies all day, while we played scrabble and watched movies. I edited and organized photos. For dinner the Kolendas made Prime Rib and Yorkshire pudding. Everything was so tasty.
We always have so much fun with Mike and Mary Ann. I laughed so hard I cried at the pics I took of everyone jumping up in the air. I feel so rich having them as friends.